“All of a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but God knows the motives of the heart.”
How often have you questioned someone’s words after they have explained their excuse to you, wondering if it is the truth and even at times, how you can prove their veracity? So many times we are witnesses through our own experiences, those of others, or even the make-believe situations fabricated or reported as accurate on television or movies, that place us in the position of wondering what is the truth and if we can ever know it. When we are in relationship with others, or encounter the communication between others, we seem to be left with assessing truth, trying to determine if our counterpart is expressing accurate truth, or some version of truth, in which our society coins “white lies.”
It may seem uncomfortable to acknowledge that we may not always share all of our thoughts or feelings, leaving some information out, not disclosing the whole story, or twisting some of the words to fit the situation, for the purpose of leaving our position in good standing. Wringing the truth out of children seems to be a key role of parenting, therefore, we, who are parents, and all who have been children, have learned methods of getting the truth out, and recalling what it takes due to vivid memories of using the same immature techniques children use to withhold that very information that is believed, if discovered and uncovered, will cause some distress, or even great distress, if found out.
Why do people lie? Why do relationships encounter much of its strife associated with withholding of the truth? Think about it – what arguments and disagreements in relationships deal with “versions of the truth” that cause anxiety, insecurity, fear, anger, and other core and basic emotional expressions. Deep, deep pain, distress, turmoil, and despair can be generated in all forms of relationships that rely on truth, fairness, loyalty, and fidelity, when the motives of their counterpart are tainted with dishonesty. Finances, Family Relationships, Parenting, and Sexual Relations – these are the four major topics of conflict in intimate relationships. From recall of past and present interactions in each of these areas, we can examine relationships to evidence various levels of untruthfulness that stimulate the onset of conflict.
There are those who believe that “if I think it or feel it, I have a right to express it.” We know that blunt truthfulness can hurt feelings and bring about devastation in relationships as often as withholding the truth or melding the truth to fit our cause. What is the balance? Do we commit the relationship crime of misdirection and white lying, or do we tell every stitch of truth, ensuring nothing is left out of the disclosure? What is our responsibility in our relationships when it comes to our communication and the motives behind the words we choose to say? Or, do we have control over every word we speak, utilizing the Four Agreements’ model – Ensure that every word you speak be impeccable?
This search for “truth” is prompted by exposing a man’s motives, in which scripture informs us, “All of a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but God knows the motives of the heart.” Are there two different levels of motives in which are conscious to our thinking, our cognitive brain, the motive that is in our awareness and the essential motive that lies deep within the spirit of man – the area which has the ability of communication with God, He who will convict or confirm our intentions? Is lying or fabricating the truth a habit? Do we recognize when we are going to lie, premeditate and plan that verbal action? Or is it primarily because we are afraid of honesty, afraid of the consequences of revealing what is required to report if we were truth-tellers?
In some therapy sessions with children or adolescents I would often play the game of “Truth-Telling.” The intent was to offer an atmosphere, a holding environment, in which no consequences would occur due to what was expressed. Without doubt, every time this “game” was played, the client would tell the truth. How this was known is that this “story” that was told exposed someone that had caused traumatic harm, and this “story” had never been shared. There was no opportunity or length of time for preparation for information to be skewed. This was a lie-detector test that stood the test for reliability, which enabled the child or adolescent to disclose those hidden secrets that were so difficult to reveal due to fear of harm to themselves or others.
How often have you questioned someone’s words after they have explained their excuse to you, wondering if it is the truth and even at times, how you can prove their veracity? So many times we are witnesses through our own experiences, those of others, or even the make-believe situations fabricated or reported as accurate on television or movies, that place us in the position of wondering what is the truth and if we can ever know it. When we are in relationship with others, or encounter the communication between others, we seem to be left with assessing truth, trying to determine if our counterpart is expressing accurate truth, or some version of truth, in which our society coins “white lies.”
It may seem uncomfortable to acknowledge that we may not always share all of our thoughts or feelings, leaving some information out, not disclosing the whole story, or twisting some of the words to fit the situation, for the purpose of leaving our position in good standing. Wringing the truth out of children seems to be a key role of parenting, therefore, we, who are parents, and all who have been children, have learned methods of getting the truth out, and recalling what it takes due to vivid memories of using the same immature techniques children use to withhold that very information that is believed, if discovered and uncovered, will cause some distress, or even great distress, if found out.
Why do people lie? Why do relationships encounter much of its strife associated with withholding of the truth? Think about it – what arguments and disagreements in relationships deal with “versions of the truth” that cause anxiety, insecurity, fear, anger, and other core and basic emotional expressions. Deep, deep pain, distress, turmoil, and despair can be generated in all forms of relationships that rely on truth, fairness, loyalty, and fidelity, when the motives of their counterpart are tainted with dishonesty. Finances, Family Relationships, Parenting, and Sexual Relations – these are the four major topics of conflict in intimate relationships. From recall of past and present interactions in each of these areas, we can examine relationships to evidence various levels of untruthfulness that stimulate the onset of conflict.
There are those who believe that “if I think it or feel it, I have a right to express it.” We know that blunt truthfulness can hurt feelings and bring about devastation in relationships as often as withholding the truth or melding the truth to fit our cause. What is the balance? Do we commit the relationship crime of misdirection and white lying, or do we tell every stitch of truth, ensuring nothing is left out of the disclosure? What is our responsibility in our relationships when it comes to our communication and the motives behind the words we choose to say? Or, do we have control over every word we speak, utilizing the Four Agreements’ model – Ensure that every word you speak be impeccable?
This search for “truth” is prompted by exposing a man’s motives, in which scripture informs us, “All of a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but God knows the motives of the heart.” Are there two different levels of motives in which are conscious to our thinking, our cognitive brain, the motive that is in our awareness and the essential motive that lies deep within the spirit of man – the area which has the ability of communication with God, He who will convict or confirm our intentions? Is lying or fabricating the truth a habit? Do we recognize when we are going to lie, premeditate and plan that verbal action? Or is it primarily because we are afraid of honesty, afraid of the consequences of revealing what is required to report if we were truth-tellers?
In some therapy sessions with children or adolescents I would often play the game of “Truth-Telling.” The intent was to offer an atmosphere, a holding environment, in which no consequences would occur due to what was expressed. Without doubt, every time this “game” was played, the client would tell the truth. How this was known is that this “story” that was told exposed someone that had caused traumatic harm, and this “story” had never been shared. There was no opportunity or length of time for preparation for information to be skewed. This was a lie-detector test that stood the test for reliability, which enabled the child or adolescent to disclose those hidden secrets that were so difficult to reveal due to fear of harm to themselves or others.
No comments:
Post a Comment